So, every once in a while, I get freaked.
For those who don't know the story or for those that do, but have voiced a desire to know more, here's a summary:
I had an interesting pregnancy w/ Emerson...
-Started out w/ extreme sickness, so bad that my OB/GYN suspected twins. An ultrasound done at my initial visit showed one tiny little Emerson. :)
-21 weeks...standard u/s showed an unusual placenta and a shortening cervix. Off to a high risk specialist I go.
-Upon viewing my placenta, a chromosomal abnormality was suspected(wow...was that a rough day and night)...amnio done...all clear.
-Cervix continued to shorten.
-Put on bed rest...several hospital stays...more medication than any baby in-utero deserves...trying to get that baby to stay in and grow before the creepy placenta stopped working all together.
-Delivered, at 37 wks, the second miracle of my life...she was tiny, but healthy...and cute. :)
-Pathology of the 'largest placenta ever seen at the hospital', revealed the presence of a twin who didn't get very far due to a partial molar pregnancy(weird, rare...google as needed).
-Followed my hCG levels as sometimes molar pregnancies can cause cancer or cancer like disease to form.
-Surprise...my # started to go up(of course it did...ugh!)
-Spent some lovely afternoons w/ an Oncologist...had scans...decided to have a hysterectomy.
-Final diagnosis, post hyster...(drum roll please)...a Epithelioid Trophoblastic Tumor(say that 5 times fast).
-What is that? In a nutshell, a tumor that forms at the site where the placenta was attached to the uterus(usually due to some of the placental tissue being left behind). If not caught and surgically removed, it will spread and, well, let's just say that's not good.
-Good news...it appears the tumor was contained in the uterus and I have had 2 hCG tests done and they are both normal. Doctor thinks I'm in the clear.
-The real kicker to me is that any woman can develop this, even after a normal pregnancy...no molar pregnancy required. I'm not trying to scare anyone...it's very, very, very rare, but it does happen.
See, here's the thing...I just wanted to have a baby. That's all. Just thought Grace might like a brother or sister. Didn't know I was signing on for a potentially life threatening disease.
Even though I've been told that I'm pretty much in the clear and I feel in my heart of hearts that I am, sometimes it just freaks me out how close that could have been. Is it not one of a parent's worst nightmares...the idea of leaving your kids? Sometimes it's just too much to think about.
So, I rambled here, but that's what I do when I start to freak myself out. :)
I know, w/out question, that the prayers given up on my behalf made all the difference(feel free to continue. :) ). My belief in God has been strengthened a billion fold. Every time I needed something...whether physically, emotionally...it was presented. Sometimes it was a meal brought by a friend or family member, sometimes it was someone spending time w/ Grace to help ease her burden, sometimes it was a well timed phone call by a doctor w/ good news...it all strengthened my faith and my knowledge that I'm not alone.
Thank you to all of those who helped me through this. I never knew how many people cared. It's easy to go through life feeling pretty alone, but this whole ordeal has made realize that I am far from alone. There are not enough words to thank you guys for that.
Why I was blessed, I don't know. Emerson made it...statistically, she shouldn't have, but she did. I made it and pray that I continue on that path...not sure why, but maybe it was God's way of showing me that my girls really do need me and I have a purpose.
So, it feels good to vent when I get into a freak out mode. Sometimes I'm scared it's not over, but I think it is. I hope so.
I will say this...I've never felt more grateful...and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.
